Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
