OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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