I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
