im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
