You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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