A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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