I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I had to cum in my sink.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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