His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
