So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
