I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
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