I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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