If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
