just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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