check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Randomize
