Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
