This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
