if you like me you must not know who I am
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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