he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Everyone says I win the strip club
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
