My Higher Power is John Stamos
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
