Pappa wants mamma naked
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
