I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Randomize
