I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
