Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
