The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
