He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
