Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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