the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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