She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I just found puke in my bra..
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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