I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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