How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I can't turn off my feet"
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
