the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
