he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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