Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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