I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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