I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
