Just fell off a train. Bad.
You can't special order awesome
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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