i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
