I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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