There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
