OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
