He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
