I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
