went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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