i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
My bed smells like the plague
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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