I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
