I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
