any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
