Can Purell be used as lube?
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
