this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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