I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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