so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
