no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Randomize
